Order Only: Private message to Hermione Granger and Harry Marvolo

[alt_terry]

I'm sorry you couldn't come to the Burrow and meet with the others. (It was brilliant to see them all again.) And I'm so, so sorry that you're hurting over Mr Weasley. I didn't know him nearly as well as you, of course, but I do feel bad about it, too. I admired him. it's making me feel almost desperate in a different way. Like I don't have time to get a magical education at Moddey Doo and grow up. Because my chance to be a kid was lost long ago. I want to do something now to stop the Protectorate.

I want to fight.

There's another thing I've been turning over in my mind. Hermione...I don't think you really had the right to tell the others some of the stuff you did. And yeah, you're not under the Unbreakable Vow now (and thank Merlin for that). But the information that the Order's smuggling away Muggleborn babies...that's about their deepest secret. And we promised to keep that secret. I'm not saying that anyone in our group would betray us deliberately. But what if they make a slip, or what if someone gives them Veritaserum?

I know you felt bad for Ron, and that's why you copied down the obituary. But did you have to share it with everyone?

What is going on with the Headmistress, do you know? She sounded sick, or addled. Maybe even drunk.

Who do you think should lead the Order now? It doesn't sound like she can do it on her own.

Comments

[alt_hermione]

Harry would have let me come if I'd explained but I didn't want to explain and anyway I had no reason to be there and I didn't trust myself to be seen by whomever might have come by.

I know what you mean about wanting to fight. I guess I'm doing something important by helping Harry learn about things, and get ready for what's facing him, but it can feel really indirect, sometimes, like it's not going to do any immediate good. That's why I'm happy Sirius and Mr Snape really liked the coins so much, if they can reuse the idea, because it's like I've actually contributed something.

As far as telling the others...I do think they had a right to know, and not just Ron. Neville and Evie are so glad to know for sure that their parents are doing something like that (and no, before you say anything, I didn't tell them but they know enough that they figured it out on their own and I didn't tell them otherwise), and I think it's about time that we all started talking together. Because it's ridiculous that we have to keep all these secrets--not the really important ones, like Moddey (and you'll notice that I did change things to obscure all that), but the facts of what they're doing. Honestly, Terry, the sorts of secrets we already share on the lock, those are just as dangerous as knowing that the Order is saving muggleborns--maybe even more, because none of the ISS know how we've been saving them or where they're going. If someone gives them Veritaserum, then we're all dead anyways. I'd rather be able to talk about it with them. Besides, they're all going to ask to join, anyway, like you and Fred and George and Lee. So I'm not going to tell the Order that I did it, but I'm not sorry that I did, either.

Professor McGonagall is sick. Mr Snape's been trying to help her, but.... Well, you know that she has to pretend to be a Death Eater too and it kills her, mostly, and she's scared all the time that someone will suspect her or try to Legilimise her or something. So yes, she drinks. And she's been getting worse, I think. (I'm sorry if that upsets you. I don't know what to do about it, I think everyone in the Order sees it but no one can make her stop if she doesn't want to stop. But I think Mr Snape and Madam Pomfrey have a plan, maybe, at least to try.)

That's another reason I told, although I can't say that I was thinking about it at the time, but it's true: Mr Weasley was one of the Order's leaders, and Professor McGonagall's supposed to be the other. And with Mr Weasley gone, if she falls apart--well, we need all the help we can get, I suppose, is what I'm saying.

[alt_hermione]

Besides, a while ago Mr Lupin told me that I had to trust myself when they ask us questions, and that they trusted us to know what was right to tell them and not tell them, and this--this was just right, Terry. It may not have been clever but it was right.

[alt_terry]

Huh. Maybe it's the difference between you being a Gryffindor and me being a Ravenclaw. Ravenclaws tend to think about being clever, first.

Or maybe that it's just hard for me to stop keeping secrets. Since they were the only thing keeping me alive for a long time. Makes it sort of hard to trust.

That's awful about the Headmistress! I liked her a lot, even if she was on the Council. Maybe that's why; I suppose the stuff they have to do on the Council would drive any sane, decent person to drink. I do hope Mr Snape and Madam Pomfrey can help her. If she's drinking a lot...well, I saw the git go down that road. I'd never wish that on her.

You still didn't answer my question. Who do you think should lead us? I need to think about that myself, in case we get a vote.

[alt_hermione]

Well, I wouldn't run off to Professor Sinistra and tell her that Madam Pomfrey spends her weekends looking after the babies, or that Mr Snape has been giving me lessons, even if she's very nice to Sally-Anne and the others, and generally fair to halfbloods.

But...yeah.

And yes, I'm worried about her. And Mr Longbottom.

For leading us, I don't know. I'd choose Mr Lupin, probably, but the problem is that being a werewolf there are times when he's just not able to lead. I sort of wonder if Mr Longbottom would be better if he were in charge but I think he'd want it to be Mrs Longbottom, actually.

And there's Mr Shacklebolt but I dunno he seems more like a fighter than a planner. And Bill Weasley but it's not a good time. Then again, kings always had to do that, didn't they, their father would die and the son would be the new king, no matter what was going on, so maybe someone should suggest him, anyway.

[alt_terry]

I'm worried about Mr Longbottom, too.

Hermione...it's maybe not right to tell you this, but he drinks, too. Not nearly as much as the Headmistress, from the sounds of it, but every once in awhile. When he's upset about something, mostly, I think. He sneaks away and he'll be gone to another part of the island, because he doesn't want the kids to see him that way. Or Mrs Longbottom, I suppose. I talked to him about it, because I can smell it on him when he gets back if I'm the Professor, you know. And he saw I was scared of him, then, because of what it was like with the git--you know. And that just cut him to the heart. He was really ashamed. So he didn't do it for awhile.

But last time was just this week, right after he came back from Mr Weasley's funeral. And I tried to follow him as the Professor, but he just firmly told me that I mustn't come, but that this was something he had to do. And he left me there on the beach.

I think my thinking about our next leader is pretty close to yours. Mr Lupin, maybe. Or Mr Shacklebolt. Or I would have said Bill Weasley, if it were maybe two or three years from now.